The Past -- Revisited (Part I)

You know what they say, when you prematurely expose old wounds, they bleed. And funny that most likely, the ones that have caused us the greatest pains we mistaken healed, and we peel off the remedy that hinders the bleeding, causing us to relive the agony we once felt. And its ashamed that sometimes, even good intentions could lead to these untimely exposures, just like when good friends ask you how you are doing or coping up, or simple teases to lighten things up.

Don’t get me wrong. I like it when people ask me about my personal life – shows that people are willing to invest in you not just with mundane chatter, but something closer. And maybe, for the mean time, I think I should be getting used to people coming up to me asking, how’s me and Din doing, or have you spoken with Edina lately. [Just for clarification, Din is (or was or is or was) a very special and dear friend, whom I greatly admire and like for quite sometime now, but things are just not right, so it never worked.] Something at the back of my head wants to say everything is cool, we are friends, just like old times. But the better of me says that that is not totally true, if not totally false. When I told her that I am falling for her, everything between us has changed – the unevitable change I had been fearing ever since I felt differently about her.

When Edina and I were first introduced, she was like any other girl in class, a smart girl with the looks, nice smile, braced teeth, good conversationalist, and somewhat guy-magnet. She had this look in her eyes of depth and charisma, and a smile some may would call simply irresistible. But to me, all I can think of was that she was too friendly with the guys, a trait that was back then a NO-NO for me, since I was a bit a conservative and traditionalist. I admit, I didn’t like her at first, though because I got to know her better, and then my feelings towards her became more friendly comfortable. We belonged to the same barkada and we became friends, but (and even to a few others) she remained the most detached in the group, because she rarely shared her inner most thoughts with the group – making her the hardest nut to crack. She had this other clique where she also hanged out, a group of older boys, which hindered me even further to know more about her, except that she’s intelligent, not so good in math, good with computers, loves purple, organized and clean, and eats very little servings of food. It wasn’t until our paths were to intertwine in a very different scenario that I will have a chance to really get to know her.

I was just getting over my Ciara Phase and she was just getting over her Nicko Phase, when we really became close. Getting over the past is easy when you have someone to share the experience with, but its tricky. (to be continued)

How irritating is this>?

TODAY, is suppose to be a wonderful day for me. It is suppose to be one of those days, when the sun smiles down upon me cheering me on as I venture in into today's busy tasks. It is suppose to be one of those days when I am in nirvana, in true solitude with myself, when happiness for others reflected bliss for me.

However, this did not come into passing. It is as if the fates wanted me to see the total reverse of what I wanted this day to be. But don't get me wrong... This day could have been worse, except that I wanted it to be perfect, as some sort of reward for the tidious and busy week looming around like moths to a flame. Next week's insurmountable tasks are so near and so demanding, thinking about it gives me burden like a band of elephants are lodged on to my shoulders.

I jus hope this day becomes better. I have 12 hours left before this day ends and I'm still hopeful good things do happen to me. Still hopeful...

It has been such a hectic two weeks. I have had consecutive exams and so many homework, fitting enough to end my four year stint here in the university. I have so many things to thank for, one being that I am graduating one year early than what my degree provides for, and two, that God have been blessing me with wonderful people I consider my family and friends. I still have roughly two more months, give or take, and I don't know if I'm suppose to be thankful and relieved, or scared and lackadaisical about it. Graduating is actually a scary thing, because as humans, we are afraid of the uncertain.
Actually, I have various options that would lead me to very diverse paths. One is that I could enter law school for another 4 years in the college. I could also accept another scholarship that has been offered to continue my engineering course for masterals, and perhaps, further. I could also opt to study abroad and take bigger risks for once... What to do, I guess I will have to decide sooner than I think.
But for now, I am staying slick and cool, trying to survive the pains and trials college life has to offer, but still with a great smile on my face, and the faith that all will be swell. Till my next free time... :)

My Synergy Barkada

When the world seems to pull its gravity onto your shoulders, its nice to know you have great friends to lighten your load. Here is mine. These guys, I have known for almost a decade now, some almost even two. We have had our share of differences and heated arguments, but at the end of the day, we all realize that the bond and friendship we have for one another is so much stronger than all the differences in opinion we have. {Tak, Edina, Jaymee, Karen, Norman, Patrick and ME at the top // Sarah not in the picture}

Starting over with the lessons of the Past...

Can a person really have a fresh start, a clean slate, a tabularasa, both from the views and opinions of the person and society? Can society ever accept a person's earnest desire to clear past mistakes, and give a person another chance, and burying the shortcomings over the hatchet? Or are we just fooling ourselves?